This is still sort of about my belleh, and a continuation of an earlier blog. I finally tried the Spanx I got around Christmas time. I have this gorgeous dress and ideally, I would wear it with just undies, bra and shoes. But it’s cold as poo so tights are in order. Now, I’ve ALWAYS hated even control top panty hose and actually said out loud at my best friend, Carolyn’s, family dinner table that they give me gas. There was buzz recently urging ladies to give those Spanx a rest already. It seems research was showing that they squash your guts and cause intestinal problems. Duh! Just like I said when I was 15!
So, anyway. This dress. If you wear tights it creates a bad line right in the middle of your abdomen, if you’re belly is anything less than completely ripped. So these tights that I got, from Spanx, go all the way up to your boobs. No pinchy line. At least that’s what I was promised by the package. The only other possibility here is If I could find thigh high tights that didn’t roll down and that didn’t require garters, I would totally try them.
Now before I donned these formidable tights, I thought through possible problems. Obviously, I worried that they would roll right down and create an innertube right in the middle of me, that I would be unable to fix without going to the bathroom and taking the dress off altogether. So I plotted and planned to use some of that body tape I have that is supposed to keep me from showing too much cleavage. But then, wait? What if I have to pee? (Of course I’ll have to pee!) Do I bring a roll of the stuff and re-apply?
At this point, (it’s Valentines Day! I’m being taken to the ballet! Romantic!) I’m chuckling to myself imagining getting OUTof all this gear. Clearly, this must be done in private. If my husband saw the giant tights and body tape, we’d both be wetting our pants laughing. (and God, I hope I’m not tooting too!)
The irony is that I THINK I could just wear my yoga pants and lipstick, because as I mentioned it’s cold as poo, and I will be wearing my long down coat. As is custom.
But I went ahead and donned the gear (no tape) It felt okay for a few minutes, but not great. I didn’t like the fabric on fabric feel. (almost like flannel PJs with flannel sheets.) I still didn’t like the line I had. The squashy tights changed my shape altogether. Which I didn’t like. It turns out I sort of like my own shape, more or less. (Mostly less, please!) So, I just wore a different, longer dress with knee high boots and socks. And of course the down coat…………. The pretty green dress will have to wait for another day!